When I was a child, my father often reminded me (as many fathers do) that ‘life isn’t fair.’ It never made much sense to me when I heard it as a child. Why not? Why isn’t life fair? Shouldn’t it be?
Well…fast forward to now, and I am in my [ahem] middle ages, and I understand my father was right.
I had a phone conversation with my adoption worker. She told me things I had already figured out on my own. While it’s helpful to validate some of the observations I have made in recent weeks, i.e., that the system is severely broken with lots of disconnects and can be incredibly frustrating to navigate.
What's more it means there are many thousands of kids in need of a loving home and many hundreds of prospective parents like me ready to provide it, and yet we can't seem to connect all the dots effectively. And, so we end up with a lot of losers.
I knew coming into this that the system was broken. I knew case workers were overwhelmed and under-resourced. So, I am not sure why I am surprised that people haven’t been beating down my door trying desperately to invite the most needy kids in the county to come join our family.
‘What a beautiful home,’ everyone says. ‘You are going to make such amazing parents!’
‘Thanks,’ I invariably reply. ‘I am looking forward to having the chance.’
One must never lose hope.
The holiday season is over, and the social workers are returning to the office, schools are back in session and it means many new opportunities for new stories, new problems and new solutions.
I absolutely believe there are thousands of kiddies out there desperately in need of a home. I just don’t yet know how to find them and welcome them to join our family. But, I am determined to find out.
With the new year, I have resolved to intensify my efforts. It’s not enough to hang around and wait for the phone to ring. I am apparently in competition with hundreds of other waiting parents out there.
We need to put ourselves out there and let the system know that not only are we ready to be a part of it, we’re ready to work to understand it and even make it better.
Having had a little extra quiet time recently—in a house full of empty rooms—I’ve thought about how my father was right about the unfairness of life. And I realize that in being right, he taught me a very important lesson…probably THEE most important: It’s not worth spending time and energy being angry about things beyond your control. It's how you cope with the unfairness of life that counts.
There are so many kids out there who desperately need to learn that lesson. Kids who have experienced unfairness to the depths I can't even imagine. And they need to know that somebody cares enough about them to be a teacher, a mentor a guide and just someone they can lean on while working through the unfairness.
Hubby and I are ready to get out there, make the connections and become the parents the world needs. While 2018 was about paperwork, fingerprints and parenting classes, 2019 will be about actually becoming parents. The road to making that happen starts now, continues tomorrow and the next day...and the day after that. And for years to come.
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