Focus on the Fun Stuff While in Purgatory

When you set out to learn about becoming a foster/adoptive parent, you start Googling things like ‘foster parent in Los Angeles.’ Then you consistently get hit with websites that aim to convince you what a piece of cake it is.

‘Hey! Become a resource family now! There are thousands of children who desperately need you! It’s as easy as 1-2-3!’

Then you find out there is a lot more to it than filling out a form, giving a thumb print and a blood sample and calling it a day.

That’s because the 45 foster/family agencies in Los Angeles County want to recruit you. They are competing with one another, and the last thing they want to do is frighten you away so you end up running to another agency.

So…we learned quickly to go into this with an open mind and a lot of patience.

There are tons of meaningless forms and checklists that you are legally obligated to sign and post on your wall. You have to show you have enough canned food in the garage to feed everyone in the household for a week in case of an alien invasion or some other disaster. You have to submit copies of recent paychecks, car insurance certificates and all toenail clippings from the past six months.

Okay, so you don’t have to submit toenail clippings, but there will be items in the myriad of checklists that boggle your mind. So, just go with the flow and do what needs to be done for the greater good. There is really nothing on the to-do list that is that hard. It’s just a super long list of a lot of tedious tasks and can seem overwhelming at first. But, just go through it carefully and make plans and you will be fine.

I recently ran across this 2017 comprehensive guide for those seeking resource family approval produced by the Step Up Coalition. It gives a detailed and straightforward account of what it takes to get certified as a resource parent. 

So, all that said…we hit a milestone this week: We completed our paperwork and passed our home inspection.

Hurray.

No explanation point there, because now we’re in limbo.

So, as i wait and think about fun things like what color to pain the kids room, here are a few insights:

• The home inspection is not a big deal. As long as you pay close attention to all the details on the checklist the agency provides you — even the ones that don’t make sense — you will do just fine. There is not really a lot to sweat over. If you have room for the kids to sleep and can show the environment is clean and safe, and reasonable social worker will support you.

• When something is important to you, you don’t drag your feet in making it happen. That is until the bureaucracies get involved. As long as we were were working alongside the foster family agency, everything moved quickly. We received responses immediately and were able to get questions answered. Now that our case has been handed over to the county for their rubber stamp the process has come to a screeching halt. It’s a good exercise in patience, and I am keeping my chin up, recognizing that now that I am not bogged down with paperwork, fingerprints, doctors appointments and CPR classes, I can focus on the fun stuff…like shopping for furniture and brushing up on my algebra and U.S. history so I can be effective at helping with homework.
  
  (By the way, i can't emphasize this enough: the advantage of having so many agencies who want you as their resource parent is important. If you can't get your questions answered or things don't move quickly enough, pick another agency. You need one that works at your speed and that you can connect with.)

• I think planning to be a resource parent is more involved than planning a wedding or buying a house — both of which we have done in the last 16 months. I suppose it makes sense. When it comes to the safety and welfare of children, why not put prospective caregivers to the most rigorous tests possible? So far we’ve passed with flying colors. Now…we swim through red tape and stay afloat.

Now comes the fun part…finding answers to the big questions. The ones that aren’t written down in any guidebooks. Like…how do you talk to children in your care about their experiences? How do you go about having a relationship with the birth mother? What should kids in your care call you? What’s it like interacting with a teacher who is accustomed to interacting with someone else (or not)? How will my dogs respond to having children in the house? How will I help ensure a child follows a healthy diet and learns responsibility and discipline without become the target of hate and anger?

Those are just a few that come to mind. i intend to provide answers to those as I go forward. So. More to come.