Ever taken a test and feel like your life depended on it? Sweating bullets wondering whether you earned a high enough score to achieve your next goal…or even passed?
I remember just under a year ago when we were buying a house. They really hold you up to the light, poke, prod and examine you from every possible angle. I remembering having to explain on a finance document why I was late paying the Macy’s bill once back in 2012.
“What do I say?” I asked my financial advisor. “I just forgot and so made the payment late.”
“Just say that,” she said.
It felt really strange having to explain myself to such a degree, particularly about something so insignificant so many years ago. I did it anyway, and ultimately we passed the test and were able to move into our new home and start paying the mortgage.
It’s never easy being scrutinized, and they really look at you through a microscope when you are doing something like buying a house.
Well, that was nothing.
I get it. Taking care of children who are technically wards of the state is no trivial matter. We are constantly remind of the horror stories about children being removed from their homes out of concern for their safety and well being only to go into a foster home and suffer much worse fates.
So, they want to be absolute sure you have your act together and are someone of solid character before entrusting kids to your care…especially those who are already coping with traumatic experiences.
Even so, it’s not easy feeling as though your life and character are on display for weeks on as you struggle to present a rock solid case that you are the world’s most perfect parent with the most perfect home and the most perfect plan to ensure no harm could ever possibly come to any children in your care.
In the last two months I have had a physical exam, two visits with my psychiatrist, CPR training, a tuberculosis test, an FBI background check, my car inspected by a mechanic and produced a mountain of documents that included pay stubs, tax returns, marriage certificate, proof of insurance…heck, even the vet records showing the dogs’ shots are up to date.
We moved mountains to get items into the right hands as quickly as possible, because we don’t like creating delays.
Then a month went by, and we were lucky enough to receive a call letting us know it’s time for our home study.
The home ‘inspection’ actually occurred back in October, so for our purposes ‘home study’ is code for therapist guy comes into the house and asks you to tell your life story. He spent a couple hours with hubby and me as a couple then a couple hours with each one of us individually. He spent over six hours in our home.
We delved into our childhoods…what we liked and disliked about them. Our interests, hobbies, relationships with our family members, each other, how we resolve conflicts and on and on.
Then a couple days later we receive a written report detailing everything about our lives, our personalities, our approach to child care. And while it was surreal to read what felt like a non-fiction book about my life, my marriage and my home, it was comforting to read section after section reading ‘no concerns here.’
Shortly thereafter we received the congratulatory email from our recruiter. She said we’d be receiving a call in the coming days to make an appointment to come in and sign not he dotted line. SO, we’re thrilled. Only now it’s harder than ever having to wait.
Then yesterday I got an email asking me to explain more about why I started seeing a psychiatrist int he first place.
Easy, I responded. Primary doctor knew my family history, thought I was a nervous person and so recommended it.
Then today I got another email asking for more details.
Ugh. It was years ago, I responded. It wasn’t a big deal he just thought it would be a good idea for me to look into it for quality of life purposes. I’ve never been less than functional and I am fine now. I thought the letter from my shrink was enough to make that case already.
And now…continuing to wait again. Hoping that will be the end of the questions.
Don’t know what’s happening or why things I think are pretty straightforward should take so long. So I’m trying to distract myself and continue enjoying my perfect life and await word that we’re moving to the next step toward being blessed with having kiddos in our care. Trying to keep my eye on the prize. Trying to keep my lack of patience in check.
It’s never easy to jump through a lot of hoops, putting your life and your personal business on display to people you have never met. But, you do without hesitation if it’s important. You do it if it’s part of the test you have to pass to achieve you goals.
So…I think the test has been taken now, and I am just waiting to get my grade posted so all is official and out in the open so I can move forward with what really matters.
Reminding a kid to brush his teeth, do his homework, eat his dinner, get ready for holidays, be a good person, tell the truth, study for his tests…
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