To Foster/Adopt in Los Angeles California

When beginning to embark on this journey, I immediately set out to absorb as much as possible by reading about others’ experiences. I was pleasantly surprised to find heaps of blogs and discussion forums from around the globe— and yet unpleasantly surprised to find a dearth of such groups in Southern California or even in California.

(I figured it those most similar to me would be those in the same system or at least those who have to abide by the same state laws.)

It’s not to say there are none…they’re just few and far between, and you really have to look for them.

And, so as a gay, middle-aged prospective foster/adoptive father in Los Angeles, let me say a little about what I have learned in a short amount of time.

Real quick though…before I do that, I really need to plug a blog I stumbled upon written by a woman in Los Angeles who decided with her husband about a decade ago that they wanted to adopt a teen-age boy from the foster system.

It’s about ten years worth of posts…I am only on Month 4, and I am absolutely rioted, so check it out, and start from the beginning if you can.

So, back to what I have learned so far.

Here are a few nuggets:

1. Find the right agency

There are roughly 30,000 kids living in foster care in Los Angeles County. Not surprisingly, the county’s child welfare department is overwhelmed and spread thin. So, if you are not a fan of bureaucracies that move about as quickly as the I-405 during evening rush hour, then don’t work directly with the county. Work with one of the 45 foster family adoption (FFA) agencies that partner with the county to help match prospective parents with children who need homes.

Many of these are funded largely by private donations and so can provide resources that the county often cannot. The way they work is they are licensed by the county to work on your behalf to certify your home as a ‘facility’ and you as a resource parent. There are many to choose some, and most organizations recommending contacting multiple agencies, going to multiple orientations and finding the agency that is a good fit for you.

Here’s a useful list from 2018

2. Find an agency that’s close to you

You’re going to be spending a lot of time there, so don’t kill yourself finding one 100 miles away.

3. Start thinking about the mundane things early

Start making appointments with your doctor, book a pediatric CPR class (if you have’t been certified or re-certified in the past year) and order items for your home as soon as you decide you are serious. It’s not that any particular item on the long list they give you is that hard to do. It’s just that there’s like 100 things you have to do to show you are serious and committed (and…oh yeah…to prove you are not a child molester or anything). The time it takes to accomplish all these things — especially if you have a full time job like I do — adds up quickly and you’d be amazed at how one seemingly minor thing can hold you up for weeks.

4. Bear with the classes

The County has a specific curriculum that the parent classes must follow, 80 percent of which will not be useful to you. But, they have to do it, so grin and bear it and respect the facilitator (he/she has no choice but to put you through this torture). The agencies DO have flexibility though in how they deliver the classes. We found that while some agencies require you to go to classes over a six-week period, we found an agency that enabled us to knock all the classes out across two Saturdays. The faster you can get through it, the better.

5. Identify a babysitter fast.

No…this isn’t asking your neighbor’s daughter to come over for a few hours for $20. If you ever need someone to watch your foster children for you, it has to be someone who jumped through most of the same hoops you did. SO, find a trusted friend or family member who loves you enough to be willing to do all kinds of mundane tasks to be qualified. You can always get more later, but you need at least one to start with (helpful hint: if you know folks who have already been certified to be foster parents, they will work just fine).

There is more I could say about what we’ve learned, but I realize this is already getting incredibly long, so I will stop and add more thoughts as I go.

If you take away one thing from all this, it’s this: shop around for the right agency. They’re not all the same, and putting in the time and effort up front will save you a lot of headaches and frustration down the line.